Monday, April 09, 2007

SHOWERING.

How To Shower Like A Woman:
 
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along
the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

19 comments:

twolf1920 said...

Saw this one before but theres nothing like the classics!

jillie said...

Sounds like every guy I've ever dated!

Lee Ann said...

I am at work...laughing aloud!
hahaha...too funny!

cathy said...

I forgot you on my Easter rounds.
No I'm not a bloody rabbit!
just a couple of things we need to straighten out here, firstly I don't have a dressing gown and second I don't recall having seen my hubbies willy since 1997 and he wasn't waving it.What,sex? well I suppose but I'm always drunk so I don't remember.

Crabby said...

And here you have it. The truth in plain black and white.

Citymouse said...

youtube and myspace both have the video for this :)

EBEZP said...

twolf nice to see you. It does deserve a rerun though don't you think? I thought it was relevant coz of the haircut post!

So jillie do you not shower like a woman then? Bet you do!

Blogging at work lee ann, you'd never catch me doing that! Glad it made you laugh!

Sorry cathy I've forgotten you over the past week or so - sorry.
No dressing gown he says eyes lighting up like Las Vegas as he prepares discreetly to wave his willy in her direction while heading for the shower......!!!!

Yeah ain't it the truth Crabby. Thanks for the visit!

Yeah I know only found out today but here's the black and white version - it's worth more! Welcome to this side of the Atlantic citymouse. Thanks for the visit.

Ice said...

Yep, I did this one too, EB... its a good one... and so fuckin' true!

EBEZP said...

I never said this was all original!! I like it because it is true!
That means you have a dressing gown then Ice!

jillie said...

Ok...busted! ;o)

EBEZP said...

Sorry jillie - truth will out!

Manny said...

Was that you outside my bathroom window?

EBEZP said...

Oh manny you know I don't lurk I would have been inside "woo-woo"!

Jules said...

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap... THAT was why they invented liquid soap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This gave me a good chuckle, Eb! Thanks, dahling!

Ice said...

Screw that... funny thing is... more often than not, I'm the one shaking my tata's at my hubby because I walk to the bathroom nudie!

But he leaves a wet towel on the floor, I don't do that! Nor do I make mohawks or let 'em rip in the shower... lol

EBEZP said...

Hi Jules. Umm so that's what the liquid soap is for!! Ooops!

Woo- woo Ice. If that was the case in my house we'd save a lot of water!

MONA said...

The woman part is exact to the detail..
Only I wish I could witness more willy waving...

twolf1920 said...

Dammit Mona is GORGEOUS! Sorry EBEZP, but its just so true, I had to comment on it!

EBEZP said...

Well Mona I can really only say....woo-woo!!
The man part is pretty much the truth as well.

twolf yes she is - visit her site, she's wise as well!