SOME MORE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

FOR WOMEN

Her breasts will never sag, they will lose their vertical hold.
She does not get drunk, she is accidentally over served or she becomes verbally dyslexic.
She does not get PMS, she becomes hormonally homicidal.
She does not hate sports on TV, she is athletically biased.
She does not have a great butt, she is gluteus to the maximus.

FOR MEN

He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative
He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed
He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia
He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated
He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy

 

FOR STUDENTS

No one fails a class any more, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."

 

OTHERS

Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist 

Bald - comb-free, folically independent, follicularly challenged

Cheating - Academic Dishonesty

Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically 

Earthquake - geological correction
Fail - achieve a deficiency.
Gas Station Attendent - petroleum transfer technician 

Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers

Ignorant - factually unencumbered

Janitor - sanitation engineer
Klutz - kinesthetically challenged
Large Nose - nasally gifted

Messy - differently organized

Not with somebody at the moment - romantically challenged -
Off - energy-efficient 

Paper Bag - processed tree carcass

Redneck - rustically inclined

Stained - creatively re-dyed

Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units
Ugly - Cosmetically different.

Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices
Whaler - Blubber Lover