THREE JOKES!

A Golf Club Walks Into a Bar

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

 

Applied Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

 

Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!

2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

4) That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

6) My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.

8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

9) When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

12) If your boss calls you and aske you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.