The Nat Xpress stop in Birkenhead is right by one of these 'Safer Wirral' posters and I was seeing XDisney Guy off the other day before he became Devonish Entertainer when I received a text from him,
"If it was a safer Wirral we wudnt have 2 remove our valuables!"
What more can I say? 
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Safer Wirral
"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract."
Ok then so Nicky, in reality spelt Nikki, silly really, Chapman came second and you thought I wouldn't mention it! Won by Jenni Falconer of GMTV.
LONDON (Reuters) - A British fan of the cult TV show "Star Trek" has boldly gone where no man has gone before and created a giant maize maze dedicated to the programme.
Trekkie Tom Pearcy used satellite technology to help him cut the maze in the corn field at his farm near York, northern England, to celebrate 40 years since the show's first episode.
The maze, whose design includes images of character Mr Spock and the USS Enterprise spaceship, used 1.5 million maize plants and claims to be the biggest of its kind in the world.
Wave Lads!
So here's the deal, Saturday July 15th unusually and the reason for a mention and a fotie, saw both RAFMAN and XDISNEY GUY travelling by the company pictured! Are you with me so far? Rafman from Oxford to Birkenhead and Xdisney guy from Birkenhead to Devilish Dawlish. So between 13.55 and 15.50 they were both on a coach travelling in the exact opposite directions! That's the main unusuallity however Mainman has discovered another anomally!
The coach that Xdisney guy got off at Birmingham to get his onward coach would have got in to Oxford at the same time as Rafman was getting on the return service to Birkenhead.
So Xdisney guy could have written a message on the window of the coach for Rafman to read in Oxford. That's the way Mainman's mind works.
Technically I suppose there was a minute or two that they could have waved to each other but I doubt it! This blog sponsored by National Express who incidentally made nearly £100 from WILKO NEWS staff on these journeys so I wonder why we are advertising for them!!??
Friday, July 14, 2006
Sport Relief
Ok not an idea that I thought would work. Some Z list celebrities, some fences, some horses and why on earth - Angus Deyton, call it something like another very popular programme and Kirsty Gallagher to pretty it up and it'll raise money for charity.
In a word NO.
So I'm eating my words.............
Only Fools On Horses is absolutely superb and yet it is all the above things!
Rumour that GRAMBO has not been watching it because she doesn't like David Jason are completely false, I think
There's action, tension, judges, viewers votes and everything else that the wonderful British public demand of proey's like this and it's all put together in a really unique way. After Strictly Ball Room on Ice or whatever it was called this programme is the best of them all turning absolute newcomers in some cases in to real stars by riding a horse around a show jumping course is a remarkable achievement and full credit to everyone involved.
It's the final later today and for what it's worth my money is on Nicky, 'Band Aid and Paracetamol' Chapman to win. If only because when she was deposited on her backside and obviously hurt the first thing she said was "Is the horse all right?"!Of course you do know that if she doesn't then I probably won't mention the proey again don't you?!
However the winner has to be Sport Relief and each of the wonderful horses and the viewers for being able to see Kirsty for 8 nights in a row and on the Beeb!
Moral to the story :
"You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink and you can put Angus Deyton in a good proramme but it doesn't make him good"
OK BACK TO THE GOLF.....
By the way, have I mentioned that the Open Championship is being held in Hoylake?
NICE 1 DOG
DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT IF I SEE A PICTURE LIKE THIS I GET THIS URGE TO LET EVERYONE KNOW! SORRY - NO I'M NOT! IT'S A GOOD FUN PIC AIN'T IT? MAYBE WE COULD FIND THE OPPOSITE GENDER EQUIVALENT TO SATISFY THE LADIES OF THE TEAM?
invitation gone out to two friends of wilko news, they get a mention straight away!
So welcome Cuz Julia & Dan the Man. Let us know what you think!
KIDS!
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY
Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a Horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What do people in China call their good quality plates?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a Horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What do people in China call their good quality plates?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Hoylake Wildlife - Sponsored by FAMOUS GROUSE
MAYBE THE REASON THAT HOYLAKE HAS HAD SUCH A LONG WAIT TO HOST
THE OPEN IS THAT PEOPLE WERE ALWAYS 'GROUSING ABOUT THE GREENS'
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VIRGINITY
Ok, this could be a giggle and it's really only to see if it works but all this blogging stuff has gone to my head!
Ladies and gentleman, boys, girls and others I present for your further entertainment and pleasure WILKONEWS first ever blog published by E Mail.
WOW - if it works! Hey why not WOW even if it doesn't!
I really do feel like I've been given back my virginity to lose it all again! Wonder if I would feel the same if I was using MSN and not VIRGIN!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Fed up of Little Johnny jokes? Welcome Little Ellen
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."
GOLF ISH / GOL FISH??
Neil Armstrong had not been to the moon yet. There was no internet, iPod or "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here."
England were World Cup champions - and had just lost to Scotland. Britain still operated in pounds, shillings and pence. Harold Wilson was Prime Minister, Lyndon Johnson President of the United States and Procol Harum's "A Whiter Shade of Pale" was number one.
Life was different in 1967 the last time the Open Championship visited the Royal Liverpool Club at Hoylake..................
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Not all BALLS!
Hey the Open is here! I am here to tell you that it's not all plus fours and men hitting their small balls with big sticks while spoiling a good walk you know!
Caught this bike in West Kirby and realised that bikes and cars and coaches and trains are all part of the OPEN EXPERIENCE.
small balls The medieval word for small balls was (and in some ways still is!) - BOLLOCKS
"Some things have to be believed to be seen."
A message from Madonna (Same age as Wkd!)
THE QUEEN'S BEAUTY TIPS: WATER
Water has many benefits:
* Water is the best diet drink around. If you are interested in losing weight, water gives the feeling of fullness with zero calories.
* Water helps reduce wrinkles. Well-hydrated skin is smoother and less prone to developing fine wrinkles. Water is probably the best anti-aging "vitamin" available for skin.
* Water helps the urinary tract resist bacterial invasion. By drinking water and keeping the kidneys flushed, patients prevent recurrent infections.
* Water is the only "medicine" that has no side effects!
You must make an effort to drink plenty of water each day. To maintain optimum hydration, you should drink at least a quart of water (preferably two quarts) every day. Six to eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day are the minimum you should be drinking for good health.
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