Coronation Street?!?!?!

ANYBODY WANT TO KNOW WHO BUYS THE ROVERS RETURN THEN?

JOKE SPOT

Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''

Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!''

 

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

 

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''

Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!''

 

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out.

The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!''

The blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

 

 

 

Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.

One said: "Why do you look so sad?"

The other responded: "I lost an electron."

Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"

The other replied "I'm positive." Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.

One said: "Why do you look so sad?"

The other responded: "I lost an electron."

Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"

The other replied "I'm positive."

BORING OLD FART CORNER!

Part one of an occasional series, just as it says on the tin. Ok it’s quite fashionable to be a boring old fart, B.O.F., these days but Mainman’s title goes back to analogue satellite television, remember that? The beauty of that was that you could have the channels that you most watched where you wanted them, so after 1,2,3,4, (note no five!) you could have for example Sky, Nickleodeon then VH1 or MTV etc. However if the mood took you, you could actually rename them as well. Consequently you could make Nickleodeon – RUGRATS TV, Sky – WCW, because of the amount of wrestling, anyway I’m sure you get the drift!

There was only two music channels, MTV for the under 25s and VH1 for the over 25s, with a lot of individual music programmes on Sky to supplement.

I suppose it was almost automatic for the young Rafman and the even younger, yes he was then as well as now, Devonish Entertainer both being considerably under 25 to want to watch MTV so that became KIDS MUSIC well so far so good. I think you know what’s coming! Wkd and Mainman being not so considerably over 25 (lie!) by far preferred and still do, VH1 which if space had allowed would have become BORING OLD FART MUSIC but in reality became BOF MUSIC then eventually B.O.F. when we worked out how to put the full stops on the display!

 

MIDNIGHT OIL – 20,000 WATT R.S.L. – Wow where the hell did that come from?! Well the ‘oils’ have been long time WILKO NEWS favourites but apart from a music cassette of Diesel and Dust, an LP home recorded on cassette when borrowed from the record library, no that can’t be right, no one used to do that!, five copies of Beds Are Burning on 12” vinyl and the same track on numerous compilation CD’s there has been very little Midnight Oil in the vast WILKO NEWS collection of CD’s. That is until now!

This album is an American import with 18 smash hits and I do mean smash hits, unfortunately for us Brits only the aforementioned and two other very minor flurry’s in the UK charts. Every track including Beds are Burning of course are without doubt protest songs but protest songs that the words push their way to the forefront both in content, the way they were written and in delivery. Let’s not forget that Midnight Oil are one of the most rocky bands to come from ‘down under’ and not even in America have they ever received the recognition as they deserve or as they did and still do in their homeland, Australia.

The passionate support of the issues keeps this whole album rocking along and makes you reach for your keyboard and google away at aboriginal issues and CND benefit concerts and nuclear testing in the Pacific so that you are better informed about just some of the strongly lyricised issues. All in all as far as protest albums go this makes efforts by such people as Bob Dylan look extremely tame and as a rock album is easily in the same league as compatriots AC/DC and such rockers as early Bon Jovi and Aerosmith.

The most amazing thing about this CD is that it covers music from, wait for it, 1979 and finishes its musical output in the year it was released, 1997. We’ve missed so much in the UK when you consider Beds are Burning charted in 1988.

WILKO NEWS acquisition 2006 via E Bay. What took us so long?

 

 

 

 

 

 

ROCK CHICK OF THE WEEK?

 
Well because Mainman "has the con" (What film?) Avril Lavigne has been chosen coz I can! Oh and I would even though she's sort of let the image down a bit by getting married! What's that all about? Rock chick with an attitude and a guitar, yes.
Rock chick with an attitude, a guitar and a husband, I don't think so. 

ICE BEAR

 
 
 
YES I THINK THE OLD POLAR BEAR HAS TOPPED THE POLL OF MY FAVOURITE ANIMAL!
Remember Gladiators? Well after all these years I've decided that my Gladiator name would be 'ICE BEAR' - Cool!!! 

OOPS!

  

BIG B*STARDS AREN'T THEY?

  

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

  

DOCTOR WHO SERIES 3 STARTS FILMING THIS WEEK

A good excuse for a picture!.....

The new series sees David Tennant return for his third series as the Time Lord and marks the debut of Freema Agyeman as the Doctor's new assistant, medical student Martha Jones.Commenting on the new series, the show's Writer and Executive Producer, Russell T Davies, said: "We were delighted and honoured by the second series' success, and we can promise new thrills, new laughs and some terrifying new aliens."He continued: "The Doctor and Martha are destined to meet William Shakespeare, blood sucking alien Plasmavores, The Judoon - a clan of galactic stormtroopers and a sinister intelligence at work in 1930s New York."
 
Rumours about the third series and the Christmas special abound of course but the biggest one is that despite the demise of the wonderful Billie Piper she will be appearing in the episode as it had already been filmed before she decided to leave the show?We will have to wait and see on that one I think but just seeing Catherine Tait in the Christmas special should be good enough.Looking at the pic of Martha ‘Freema Agyeman’ Jones I have to wonder though how long in to the third series will it take to have forgotten Rose ‘Billie Piper’ Tyler altogether!Wondering where you’ve seen THE Miss Agyeman before?You’re obviously not brave enough to say that you were the only person to watch the 2001 reincarnation of Crossroads! She played Lola Wise.  

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

X rated Muppetts! - Now that's a turn up for the books!

EDINBURGH (Reuters) - The creators of The Muppets and Sesame Street are staging a rude and lewd puppet show that is strictly for adults only.

Even Miss Piggy would blush over the antics of "Jim Henson's Puppet Improv" that is spearheading a renaissance of puppet shows for grown-ups.

At this year's Edinburgh Fringe arts festival, there are more puppet shows listed for adults than for children.

"That really pleases me," said the late Jim Henson's son Brian, director of the Muppet Christmas and Treasure Island movies now revelling in the freedom of performing for adults only.

Every afternoon at the Fringe, his anarchic troupe of puppeteers do an improvisational show for kids. Every evening the air turns blue for the show that takes off into surreal flights of fancy dictated by the audience.

"It is lovely to do a show where you can go wherever your brain takes you," said Henson, winding down after a show in which the audience asked the puppeteers to play half a dozen hot dog puppets auditioning to be Ricky Martin's backup singers.

But would father have approved?

"I think he would have loved it because of how outrageous I get. My Dad really believed in community and sweetness but the other side of him was incredibly naughty.

"He always said the only reason we did this was those moments where it is like laughing in church. It becomes so infectious you cannot stop laughing."

Henson, who first performed the improvisation show in Aspen and Hollywood, would like to develop it into a TV show. Two other projects he is working on are also just for adults.

"There is something really therapeutic for us about this adult improv," he said.

Henson hailed the renaissance of puppets for grown-ups, applauding the success on stage in New York and London of "Avenue Q" and the hit movie "Team America:World Police" which satirises President George W. Bush's "war on terror."

"Avenue Q was very, very clever. They are specifically parodying Sesame Street with an adult twist. Team America is a more unique choice as they decided to do it with marionettes."

Hyundai Puppet Theatre, South Korea's answer to Henson, has also won acclaim at the Edinburgh Fringe with its production of "Puppet City."

So does Henson feel puppeteers around the world are trying to redress the balance so adults get a look in?

"Yes, absolutely," he said.

"The Americans are more action-oriented. They want to see the puppets beating each other up. British audiences are more intellectual. They like to see it sick and twisted but in an intellectual way."

 

LOOK AT THIS 'TRAIN ART' SUPERB ISN'T IT?

 
 
 
  

TOP UP ANYONE?

 
WOW! YEAH! HOW COOL ARE THESE?
TIME FOR A QUICK SEARCH ON E BAY I RECKON! The Must Have section! 

A BARN OWL AT WIRRAL COUNTRY PARK!

  

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.

ODD NEWS

SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - Twenty-one penguins were rescued on a hot east Texas highway on Tuesday after a lorry carrying the wildlife to a temporary home south of Houston overturned, said a state trooper.

Four penguins and some exotic fish were killed in the accident, including three penguins that were hit by passing motorists, said Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Richard Buchanan. "The rest of the penguins kind of stayed together in the ditch."

The lorry, also carrying an octopus that was uninjured, was bound for Moody Gardens, a tourist destination in Galveston, an hour south of Houston, a resort spokeswoman said.

The wildlife was being transported to Texas from the Indianapolis Zoo while the zoo's ocean exhibit is being remodeled, said Jerri Hamacheck of Moody Gardens.

The trooper said it was the oddest traffic accident he had ever handled.

"We've worked several wrecks involving cows, horses, pigs, even fish, but this is the first where the live animals were penguins."

He said he was glad the accident was not worse.

"There was another lorry full of snakes and alligators that was an hour ahead of them, so luckily we didn't have to deal with the alligators," Buchanan said.

 

 

 

 

RETRO CORNER

OK WHO CAN REMEMBER THIS VERY SEXY LADY'S NAME AND WHICH PROGRAMME WAS SHE IN?
It was one of Mainman's favourites........
  

CONFUCIUS HE SAY.....

- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.

- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.

- Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

DOESN'T THIS MAKE YOU GO AHHHH!

  

WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

What do you think the chances of the little chap (top) turning in to the bottom chap is?