Is it just me or is blogger just being an arse tonight?
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
POSTED BY TIM WILKO :
The sales of condoms in France plummeted today when the England rugby squad proved that to fuck 15 French you only need one Jonny!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
QUESTIONS THAT HAVE CONFUSED HUMANKIND
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say “See that chicken there….I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\’re both dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can’t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Monday, October 15, 2007
THOUGHT THIS WEEK WE MIGHT TRY TO START YOUR WEEK WITH A BIT OF A LAUGH.........YOU MIGHT LIKE TO CAPTION THESE PICS FOR ME HEY?
THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR A LAUGH WOULDN'T IT? - IT'S JUST I FEEL SO GUILTY NOT BEING IN WORK ON MONDAYS!!! HEE HEE!!
OK THANKS FOR LOOKING AT THEM, COMMENTS ARE FREE!!
IF YOU ARE IN TO PART NAKED WOMEN CLICK HERE, OR SHIPS AND BOATS AND THINGS CLICK HERE, QUALITY ONE A DAY PHOTOGRAPHS CLICK HERE OK?
NOTHING ELSE REALLY OH EXCEPT ..........DO HAVE A HAPPY MONDAY!!
Friday, October 12, 2007
REMEMBER TAKE FIVE FRIDAY?
OF COURSE YOU DO!!
IN FACT SOME OF YOU STILL REGULARLY VISIT THE PHOTOBLOG WHERE IT IS STILL POSTED EVERY FRIDAY AND OH YES I'VE JUST POSTED OVER THERE!
WELL I THOUGHT FOR A WEEKEND GIGGLE I'D DO A GENUINE TAKE FIVE FRIDAY ON HERE!
THIS JUST FEATURES 5 PICTURES OF THE TIDE COMING IN TAKEN FROM EXACTLY THE SAME SPOT IN THE SPACE OF ABOUT HALF A MINUTE WITHOUT MOVING THE CAMERA AT ALL!
NATURE ENSURES OF COURSE THAT EVERY PICTURE IS DIFFERENT BECAUSE OF COURSE
"TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO MAN"
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
WEDNESDAY!
Plenty to keep you occupied while I leave you with a quote!
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
If this looks a bit strange it's because, they've nanny netted my blogs at wand I know I'm going to be quite late back in you will be getting some strange looking E mailed posts ok! ork!! In fact they've nanny netted blogger at work, so on days such as today when I don't post before coming in to work
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
BEAT THE TUESDAY BLUES!!
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen & yells,
"For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table. It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray gave them their food, and refilled their water. And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear- asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F%@*ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"
Monday, October 08, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Friday, October 05, 2007
TGIF! DISNEY SPECIAL
WELL I TELL YOU WHAT, IF YOU HAVEN'T SMILED IN THE TIME YOU'VE TAKEN TO LOOK THROUGH THOSE....CHECK YOUR PULSE!!
CHECK OUT ALL THE OTHER SITES - YOU'LL FIND THEM ON THE SIDE BAR OK?
Thursday, October 04, 2007
INTERNET CATS!
Certainly get variety here don't you but if it's not really enough for you why not visit one of the other sites all to do with birds, ironically enough - now you've got to go and see haven't you?
Show you some cats and you're curious!!
Liver Birds at The Photoblog.
Seagull on the One a Day Blog.
Birds of a non feathered variety at The Gutter Press.
Whatever you choose enjoy and thank you for visiting!!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
MID WEEK MUSICAL INTERLUDE
UNDER THE SAME SUN - THE SCORPIONS.
I saw the morning
It was shattered by a gun
Heard a scream, saw him fall, no one cried
I saw a mother
She was praying for her son
Bring him back, let him live, don't let him die
Do you ever ask yourself
Is there a Heaven in the sky
Why can't we get it right
'cause we all live under the same sun
We all walk under the same moon
Then why, why can't we live as one
I saw the evening
Fading shadows one by one
We watch the lamb, lay down to the sacrifice
I saw the children
The children of the sun
How they wept, how they bled, how they died
Do you ever ask yourself
Is there a Heaven in the sky
Why can't we stop the fight
'cause we all live under the same sun
We all walk under the same moon
Then why, why can't we live as one
Sometimes I think I'm going mad
We're loosing all we had and no one seems to care
But in my heart it doesn't change
We've got to rearrange and bring our world some love
And does it really matter
If there's a heaven up above
We sure could use some love
'cause we all live under the same sun
We all walk under the same moon
Then why, why can't we live as one
'cause we all live under the same sky
We all look up at the same stars
Then why, tell me why can't we live as one
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
THE TUESDAY BLUES - YOU GOT IT TOO?
No biggy today, day off, nobody looks at your blog on a Tuesday, might as well just go for a walk, take a few pictures and post them!Of course last time I did that there were more comments than ever, funny old world isn't it?
Horses, beach, lighthouse, survival kit (the cigs and the mobile phone)
Wow what more could you want?
Monday, October 01, 2007
MONDAY!!
HAPPY MONDAY!!
TODAY HERE WE ARE JUST REARRANGING SOME LETTERS OK?
DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER
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